FOUNDER’S DESK | 004
By Deola Abela Inyang
Founder & CEO, Abela® World Limited & Abela Centre for Olfactory Arts, Pioneer, Afro-Baroque Perfumery®
Reading Time: 4–5 minutes
Categories: Founder’s Desk • Leadership • Identity • Culture • Entrepreneurship
Why Recognition Matters
Praise says:
“You’re amazing.”
Recognition says:
“I see you.”
Recognition is one of the most overlooked human needs and one of the most powerful leadership practices. Whether in families, marriages, workplaces, communities, or nations, people thrive when they feel seen. This reflection explores why recognition matters more than praise, how recognition builds trust, shapes identity, strengthens leadership, and transforms relationships.
Yesterday, while resolving an issue in my household, I found myself confronting something much bigger than the disagreement in front of me.
It involved my seven-year-old son.
He had become uncomfortable with the way he was being disciplined by other members of the household. What surprised me was not the issue itself. It was that he had never brought it to my attention.
When I asked why, his response stopped me in my tracks.
“I didn’t think you would see me enough to address it.”
That sentence sent me down a rabbit hole of reflection.
Not as a mother.
As a human being.
Because in that moment, I realised that many of the conflicts we experience in life are not really about the issue being argued.
They are about recognition.
Recognize. Acknowledge. Correct.
As we talked through the situation, a simple corrective pattern emerged:
Recognize. Acknowledge. Correct.
First, recognize the person.
Then acknowledge their experience.
Only then can correction become meaningful.
Without recognition, correction feels like control.
Without acknowledgement, solutions feel dismissive.
Without both, trust begins to erode.
Recognition in Leadership, Relationships and Society
The more I reflected on it, the more I realised this pattern exists everywhere.
It exists in families where spouses stop feeling seen.
It exists in workplaces where employees feel invisible despite their contributions.
It exists in friendships where resentment grows because appreciation is assumed rather than expressed.
It exists in leadership when people become resources to manage rather than human beings to understand.
It exists in communities where people feel forgotten.
And perhaps most importantly, it exists in nations.
In Founder’s Desk 003, I wrote about the loss of humanity.
Today, I believe I have found one of its root causes.
A failure of recognition.
Not recognition as awards.
Not recognition as applause.
Recognition as the simple act of seeing another person’s humanity.
The ability to communicate:
“I see you.”
“I understand your experience.”
“You matter enough for me to respond.”
Why Recognition Matters More Than Praise
The more I thought about it, the more I realised that recognition may be one of the most underappreciated human needs.
People do not merely want to be heard.
They want to be seen.
Not simply for what they do.
But for who they are.
This is why many marriages fail despite the presence of love.
Why employees quietly disengage while still showing up to work.
Why friendships drift apart.
Why children stop speaking.
Why citizens lose faith in institutions.
In many cases, the issue is not a lack of care.
It is a lack of recognition.
People often know they are loved.
What they are not always sure of is whether they have been truly seen.
Recognition vs Praise
Perhaps this is why praise often fails where recognition succeeds.
Praise celebrates achievement.
Recognition affirms identity.
Praise is often reserved for outcomes.
Recognition acknowledges humanity.
Praise says:
“Well done.”
Recognition says:
“I see you.”
And human beings can survive for a surprisingly long time without praise.
But very few can thrive without recognition.
Children need it.
Marriages need it.
Teams need it.
Communities need it.
Countries need it.
Because recognition is often the first evidence that a person belongs.
And belonging is where trust begins.
The Leadership Power of Recognition
The people who have most profoundly shaped my life were not necessarily those who praised me the most.
They were the people who recognised something in me before there was evidence to support it.
They saw possibility before performance.
Potential before results.
Purpose before achievement.
They recognised a future version of me before I had fully met her myself.
Perhaps that is why recognition is one of the highest forms of leadership.
It tells people they are valuable before they have proven themselves.
And in doing so, often gives them the courage to become who they were always capable of being.
Maybe what our homes need is more recognition.
Maybe what our workplaces need is more recognition.
Maybe what our institutions need is more recognition.
Maybe what our nations need is more recognition.
Because when people feel truly seen, they become easier to guide, easier to trust, and easier to unite.
Recognition does not solve every problem, but it creates the conditions under which solutions become possible.
Identity Grows Where Recognition Exists
And perhaps that is why recognition is the new praise.
Not because praise is wrong.
But because recognition reaches deeper.
It speaks directly to identity.
People do not merely want to be loved.
They want to be recognized.
To feel that another human being has truly seen them and said:
“I know who you are.
I see what you’re carrying.
I see who you’re becoming.
And it matters to me.”
That is a rare gift.
Perhaps one of the rarest gifts we can offer another person.
Because identity grows where recognition exists.
And identity, more than anything else, shapes how we live, lead, love, build, and belong.
About the Author
Deola Abela Inyang is the Founder & CEO of Abela® World Limited and the Abela Centre for Olfactory Arts. She is the originator of Afro-Baroque Perfumery® and writes on culture, identity, leadership, entrepreneurship, and the inner life of building. Through Founder’s Desk, she explores the intersection of identity, human behaviour, cultural memory, leadership, and institution building.
